Just Your Normal CinderPotter
by Ryo0oki
Summary: What the title says. Slash, H/D and R/S. Pathetic attempts at humor. =^_^= [COMPLETE]


Just your normal Harry Potter Cinderella... =^_^= Can you tell I've hit Writer's Block?

Warnings: pathetic attempts at humor, slash

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Just Your Normal CinderPotter

Once upon a time there lived a boy named Harry Potter. When he was little, his parents had been killed by an evil wizard named Voldemort. Baby Harry had been pissed at the mean wizard and used his Supernatural Powers™ to maim Voldemort and drain all his powers. But alas! Harry's parents were still dead and he had to go live with his uncle and aunt(the Dursleys), who were annoying as hell.

Anywayz, the annoying people had a kid named Dudley who was horizontally challenged. Dudley and his parents were very mean to Harry. They were also relatively stupid and dense and when Harry started to grow pretty, mistook him for a girl. 

So they made Harry do all the chores and clean the house and they joked about how Lily and James Potter (Harry's parents) named a girl Harry. And Harry was pissed, but what could he do? He didn't know about child abuse laws. 

And then Harry got invited to a strange place called Hogwarts where he learned magic but couldn't use it. He made friends and mortal enemies, including this guy named Draco. Unfortunately, Harry soon realized that he no longer hated Draco but instead wanted to hump his leg.

So Harry continued to grow prettier and prettier and eventually Dudley was constantly trying to grope him. It was a good thing 500 pound people don't run very fast, as it was extremely irritating having to dodge Dudley while attempting to do the dishes.

On his sixteenth birthday(because I am squicky about Harry screwing anyone before that age), an invitation went out to all of everywhere. There was going to be the grandest party ever(with beer... and wine... and champagne... and alcoholic drinks) held in a strange place called Malfoy Manor. The Dursleys naturally wanted to go real bad, but the catch was that only wizards could get in, and since they weren't, they couldn't. So the Dursleys were real mean to poor Harry cause he was a wizard and he could go.

Then on a rare burst of inspiration the Dursleys forbade(which probly isn't a word, now that I think about it) Harry to go! He was really sad, because he had been ever so sure it would be a costume party and he could go with a costume on and seduce Draco. Harry became really depressed and tried to kill himself, but the Dursleys realized that a dead body in their house might look slightly suspicious and locked him in his room(which wasn't really Harry's room, but actually Dudley's, but that's a different story) instead.

Harry started crying as all was hopeless (he didn't realize that there were many sharp objects in the room) when suddenly there was a flash of light that was obvious made cheaply and a man appeared.

'Hello,' the man said, looking very dignified and hot despite being dressed in a pink tutu and feathery wings. 'I'm your fairy godmother, Sirius Black.'

'Er,' said Harry because he couldn't think of anything else to say.

Sirius threw up his hands and began muttering, 'I *told* Remus that it would better if I went as his fairy godfather! But nooo, go in the tutu, said Remus. And I can't believe the author backed him up too!' Sirius glared at the ceiling.

'Er,' Harry said again.

'Oh Harry,' Sirius said, flipping through the latest -Dresses for Girls Who Want to Seduce Their Mortal Enemies- catalogue. 'What color would you like? Green to bring out your eyes? Silver to attract Draco? Purple cause it's my favorite color? Yes purple, I think would be the best...'

Harry wondered briefly if now was a good time to tell Sirius that he wasn't a girl. 

Sirius pulled out his wand, muttered a few words (that sounded like dressus purplelus, because the author does not know latin) and poof! Harry was in a pretty purple dress.

'Isso pwetty!' Sirius squealed, going blonde for a moment. Then he made an old training wheel tire poof! into view. 'There's your portkey, it'll take you to Malfoy Mansion. Now toodles!'

And he vanished with another flash of cheap light. Harry thought he heard Sirius say something about 'Remmie getting the spanking of his life.' He really didn't want to know.

Harry looked at the tire, then at himself, who still had dirty tennis shoes on, and shrugged. Oh well.

------

Once at the mansion, he quickly passed the 'Wizard Test' (which consisted of levitating a purple hippo jellybean) and entered the ballroom. Everyone was dancing with other people, and poor Harry felt very lost. How was he supposed to know that people danced at _parties_?

Then all of a sudden Draco came up to him and asked him to dance! Poor Harry nearly fainted until he remembered that he was wearing a dress, and therefore, could dance.

So they danced.

And danced.

And danced.

And...

Suddenly the clock struck eight and Harry realized that he was due back home to wash the dishes! He hurriedly ran away, and Draco chased him because he was smitten with this sexy girl. As Harry was running, he suddenly became aware that his dirty tennis shoe was coming off. Or more precisely, Draco had put a Cinderella spell on it, making the shoe unlace itself and fly into Draco's hands.

Harry, who by now was pissed cause he had lost one of his shoes, prepared to turn around and yell at Draco(SCREW it if he wanted to screw him instead). Instead he continued running away. Such was the effect of the Cinderella spell.

And then Draco found him at the Dursleys and turned everyone else into toads. 

And the two lived happily ever after and fucked like bunnies.

~OWARI~

Harry: ... You can't write humor.

Ryo: .......

Draco: More grapes Harry darling. [stares at self] I said *darling*?! Eurch!

Ryo: [grins]......

Harry: Sure thing, Drakkie-poo. [eyes go wide] You bitch!!

Ryo: Meow. 

Draco: Let's fuck like bunnies now.

Harry: Let's. [pulls Draco into magical closet]

Ryo: The previous little skit was a tribute to lorien, whose _Coming Out of the Closet_ is one of the funniest fics I've ever read. Now review. (Crystal Star Guardian, I'm working on LtB! I promise!)

-ryo0oki

"Ask the blind man! He saw!"


End file.
